What a perfect day to start this kind of story, the time just can’t never be more right.
I don’t remember exactly when I start to have tumblr, I do remember I let it sit there and empty for few months before I finally manage to figure it out. Naturally, I got my friend referring me to this site, and I got some other from twitter who redirect me back to tumblr. After the second time, I simply never leave.
I’m not good with words. Other social media never let me keep my silence, I either have to ‘comment’ or write something just to be part of it. Something that I never be good at, something that most of the time I rather not to do. I enjoy silence, just like I enjoy being part of the crowd, I like to see what people create, what people think, just like occasionally I enjoy sharing my thoughts and pain through my writings. Tumblr allow me to do it all. It allows me to connect with people without saying anything. It lets me rambling for pages or share some laughter through joy and screencaps and video. It basically let me be big part of a crowd without pushing me to speak up and force me to talk with words. Tumblr allow me to be me, let my works speak for me and let my tumblogs become a dedication page for wonderful people I meet in tumblr. It lets me act, without need me to speak.
I am a survival from a depression. It’s way back in my teen and still haunts me in my twenties. I am afraid with commitment, I avoid people most of the time and yet like other human being I am afraid to be alone and always longing for companies. Tumblr allow me being me. Let me do whatever action I want to do. I can be ‘loud’ and speak to my writings and pictures, I can be ‘quiet’ and reblogging and ‘loving’ for days. I can connect with people who has the same passion and obsession without needing any words, without being caged with any kind of obligation and commitment, and yet its freedom tied me even tighter than any other social media. What people put in tumblr have made me laugh, cry, help me through the ups and downs, open my eyes to hundred of new world, new thoughts, new problems and let me explore ‘the world’ without exchanging any words, not if I don’t want to. Tumblr and the people in here has help me to remote myself from a darkest place in my day and give me comfort in a way that I cannot explain. For the first time in a long time, acceptance has arrived in its true form, without any obligation, without any words, just in the stream of screencaps, photography, poetry, proses, advices, quotes, and random things that land in my dashboards in every ticking moments. That will let me laugh, let me share a piece of me, that will give me power in every waking hour I spend in my life fighting against the gravity that pulls me into the darkness.
So if you ask me how Tumblr change my life, it changes my life because it reminds me that to be with someone, to be part of some crowds, to be love, you can just be who you are. That words can do so much thing, but action would means so much more. That in this craziness that I face, that everyone face in life, we all are never be alone. Cause as we’re fighting our own ghost, others are fighting theirs, and together we all are fighting.